Hei idag hadde jeg engelsk tentamen og vi fikk flere tema om å skrive stil om. Jeg valgte første verdens krig og her er resultatet

World at War

It was a cool November. The year was 1917, and hell had just walked out to the earth. I didn't think it was going to be like this, when I joined the U.S. Army. Even do I knew that it was going to be dangerous, I did not expect this. The numbers of bodies was right in front of me. The faces was so massacred from grenades that I didn't even recognize who they were. My squad, 6th rangers, was almost wiped out. The German machineguns had brutally slaughtered one after another of our soldiers. It was not a pretty sight. Seeing my squad and friends falling down, screaming for mercy and help. It was hard not to help them, but knowing that the Germans would send their bullets of death right into me. I would just die for nothing. The rule was simple. If you stepped out to the no man's land, you were dead. It doesn't get easier than that. They called our base "A soldier's grave" cause it was more dead men here than living. I just wanted home, back to America, back to my family and friends. But it was too late. The only way to get home was to wipe these Germans out. There was only one problem. They were ten men and we were three. The odds were not pointing our way, but we can't just take our white flag up and give up? No, we had to fight, even if it meant that we had to die for it.

"MacMillan, come over here" my commander shouted. "What is it commander?" I asked. His real man was Dan Dimitri. "Ok, this is the situation, as you know we are pinned down by their machinegun. And we only have food for today, so we can't hold this hill tomorrow. We have to have an assault tonight." He said with a voice that almost sounded happy, that he also was glad that this soon would be over. "Is that understood private?" He asked. "Yes serge" I answered and started crawling back to my post. "And private?" I turned around to him "Go and get some rest now, you will need it tonight" He commanded. "Copy that sarge, hoo-raa" I answered and smiled to my commander. He looked awful with a dirty mustache. "hoo-raa, private, hoo-raa" he whispered when I lied down to sleep.

I woke up. It was night and what a beautiful night it was. The stars slightly shone up battlefield and gave it a glance that I had never seen. I took up my rusty, smelling helmet and sat it on my head. Hopefully this would be the last time that I would use it. Through the whole war I had never killed anyone. That cud change tonight. I checked my gear once more to see if I had everything, and started walking over to the others. They both sat up and smoked a cigar. "Cigar MacMillan?" My fellow private asked. His name was Andrew Macdonald. He was a short but strong man, with red hair and a face that was always smiling, well almost. Now he looked dead serious and took at deep inhale from the cigar. I got one to and started to smoke it. I had never tasted tobacco before, even do I was eighteen and I cud really feel it. "This is the plan boys, we throw one smoke each and run right inn." The commander said. "Are you mad!?" Andrew shouted, sounding like crazy. "It's suicide!" He argued. "Shout up private, and listen to what I'm saying." Andrew shouted up, and looked mad. "I have seen that they are using some kind of hole, right in the middle if the no man's land" He said. Andrew and I listen carefully. The only sound now was some explosions from a faraway place. "I we throw our smokes over that hole, we can jump in to it while the Germans is occupied. Then we take them out. We climb through and take them out. Make them pay for what they did." He said, encouraging. From Andrew it came a big smile "So what the hell are we waiting for, let's take them out" He shouted.

We lined up. It was now or never. "Take on your gas mask." Commander said. I took on my gas mask. "Ready? Throw it now!" Dan shouted and everybody threw their smoke grenades to the enemy base. "Wait" Andrew said. Now the smoke came dancing up form their base and German words were shouting into the night. "Go!" Dan shouted and we started to run. "Go Andrew you first!" Dan commanded and Andrew jumped down, Dan threw a grenade over to the enemy base. After some seconds we heard a blast and some German screams. Dan jumped down and me after. The cave that the German used was much better then what we had. Dan was already at the end of the tunnel, so I ran after him. I came out and raised my rifle. A German that was very skinny and with a grey uniform aimed for Andrew, which was occupied shooting Germans that tried to escape. I quickly aimed down the sight and lined the German up. I had done this a hundred of times before on dolls, and wood statues. It was too late.

Andrew fell to the side with his half of his face gone. The German came with a bayonet and stuck right trough Andrews head. "No!" Dan came from nowhere and took up his gun. He pulled the trigger. Dan's hand got raped with blood and he kicked the German away. I still got the German in sight, but for was use? He was dead, Andrew to and all because of me. How cud I? I was a soldier, I was meant to be a killing machine. Maybe I didn't have the guts? "Let's split up" Dan said. "You take to left corridor and I take the right. The scumbags can't have gotten too far."He was on his guard. "Remember" He said. "Stay frosty" Now he was out of sight. And I was alone. I checked my rifle again and started moving. I was in a new room now, it looked like to be and kitchen. Suddenly a German officer came running towards me. He had a long bayonet in his weapon. I pulled the trigger. I didn't even aim, but I hit him any ways. I fired again and he fell on his back. I fired again and again. I pulled the trigger again, but no shot. I was out of ammo. And I hadn't anymore left, didn't even have a gun. I found my hunting knife and started to move on. The next room was very small, and it was full of bodies. Into the wall on the other side of the bodies a German commander sat. He had a black uniform and a black beret. I walked slowly to him. An easy target. I took my knife, got it ready for the strike when suddenly. The commander kicked a hard kick right into my stomach. He took my knife and sat it in my chest. Now he stood over me, pointing a gun right at me. My life was over. The German fell. Dan sat on top of him and knocked his face right on the ground with his bare fist. The German got a grip on Dan and punched him in the face. Dan fell over and started to spit blood. The German sat on top of Dan and punched him over and over again. Dan didn't fight back. All hope was gone. We were going to die. I started to shiver when I felt the blade form the knife got deeper in my chest. My heart pumped faster. I took and hard grip around the knife and pulled it out. I screamed. The pain was like getting shot nine hundred times. The German looked up on me, I threw the knife right into his heart and he fell over. He was dead.

I woke up. But with a different feeling than last time. My chest was in serious pain. Dan was helping me. I looked on his face and saw that it was bloody and destroyed. His mustache was red now. We got a little longer up and saw a big opening. To freedom. The sun was rising slowly up from the horizon. What a beautiful sight. The birds were singing so nice. "STOP!" Dan stopped. He turned around slowly. In front of us was a jeep full of soldiers. German Soldiers. "Thanks for all private" he whispered in my ear. "Hoo-raa" I whispered back. Then two shots came and everything got black.


This is a history to all the soldiers that fought and died in the battle for peace.

Av: Hans Christian 9C


Nå hva syntes dere? Håper på litt tilbake melding. Jeg må også si at egentlig var teksten på 1880 ord, men måtte kutte ned (Lærerne sa det ble for mye) så derfor innholder den kanskje ikke så mange detaljer og andre viktige ting for å lage en bra historie, men uansett håper dere likte den :)

epic vi hadde engelsk tentam i går og jeg skrev om Pikachu >_>

Det er en episk feil her, da... Du skrev at du ble medlem i U. S. Army? U. S. Army står for United States Army, ikke sant? Du skrev også at du ble medlem i 1417, ikke sant? Vel, United States of America ble ikke stiftet før 4. Juli 1776!!!

Det er en episk feil her, da... Du skrev at du ble medlem i U. S. Army? U. S. Army står for United States Army, ikke sant? Du skrev også at du ble medlem i 1417, ikke sant? Vel, United States of America ble ikke stiftet før 4. Juli 1776!!!

Haha dreti ut!


Den var bra men en del skrivefeil og internet språk. ''Even do I knew''...

Men krigen var ikke før 1939 og tyskland var ikke et land i 1417 ellers veldig bra.

SPOILER

Litt inspirert av MW 2 ending?

SPOILER OUT

Denne er dedikert til Track Death og Ryuzaki

Jeg har en ting å si;

Det er en historie, så alt MÅ IKKE være historisk korrekt.

Å btw, Historia var ganske bra, noen små'e skriveleifer her og der men det gjør ikke så mye

At det går an! Søren skulle sett bedre over Skal jo være 1917! Hvor dum går det an å bli!

Blackwell: Når du sier skrivefeil og at de ikke har så mye å si, jo de har det. De har en stor del å si på karakteren

Men krigen var ikke før 1939 og tyskland var ikke et land i 1417 ellers veldig bra.

SPOILER

Litt inspirert av MW 2 ending?

SPOILER OUT
-
Han skrev om 1. verdenskrig, ikke 2.


Det heter forresten could, ikke cud.

At du klarer å huske på alt det!!!

Så du brukte hele tentamen på å skrive teksten? I såfall er du veldig heldig i forhold til meg og mine klassekamerater. Vi må svare på en haug av småoppgaver. Tentamen selv handler ikke om Engelsk språk direkte, men om hva du kan om de Engelske/Amerikanske landene. Da ville jeg sagt at det er Geografi tentamen(ikke at det finnes), bare at vi må skrive på engelsk. Så karakteren går jo ikke på hvor vidt språket ditt er, men på det du kan om Engelske/Amerikanske land. That sucks!

Er det første eller andre verdenskrig du skriver om? Du skriver at det er første, men det høres ut som andre verdenskrig.

En god stil, spesielt med tanke på at du er "bare" 14 år gammel.

Fant en ganske stor feil, dog.

The numbers of bodies was right in front of me. The faces was so massacred from grenades that I didn't even recognize who they were."

Det er en ganske basic regel du må lære deg her. I entall er det was, og i flertall er det were. Altså skal dette avsnittet være slik:

"The numbers of bodies were right in front of me. The faces were so massacred from grenades that I didn't even recognize who they were."

Du gjør det riktig i den siste setningen, så hvorfor ikke på de andre også?

Men ellers har sikkert andre her pekt ut feilene, men absolutt ikke dårlig det her

Takk for tilbake meldingen Yayo

Svænni: I begynnelsen av teksten står det at det er fra 1917. Det var under første verdenskrig

"Dan's hand got raped with blood "

Hahahaha, for en setning. Måtte smile litt når jeg så det.

Du kan heller skrive "Dan's hand got covered in blood", eller "Massive amounts of blood covered Dan's hand".

Eller Don's hand got raped with blood
Det var det jeg så for meg i hodet, prøvde å bruke litt utrykk og sånt

Glad du likte det xD

Ikke misforstå, det der var ikke en god setning.

Å bruke ordet Rape i en slik sammenheng blir helt, helt feil.

Tenk over det du.

Ok så du likte det ikke =/ vel siden mye av utrykkene jeg hadde med i teksten som jeg måtte slette ut var bra beskrevet og sånt så kom jeg opp med det. Syntes selv ikke det var så verst.

Tja.. Skal jeg være ærlig må jeg nok påpeke at du blant annet burde stikke nesa di i historieboka ihvertfall én gang til.
Sant nok ble USA med i krigen på nippet av 1917, men de hadde også særdeles få falne soldater..
I tillegg får du det til å virke som oddsen hele tiden er på tyskernes side, noe som blir helt feil, i og med at Tyskland allerede på denne tiden vurderte å trekke seg, og for det meste hadde utsultede å skadde soldater som så vidt orket å kjempe lengre.

Ellers minte fortellingen mer om en overamerikanisert 2. verdenskrigfortelling.
Her har vi jeeper, maskingevær (det fantes maskingevær under 1. verdenskrig også, men de var det meste store og tunge, og egnet seg derfor dårlig i skyttergravskriger), og skadroner som du nevner her som "6th rangers". Slike fantes ikke under 1. verdenskrig.

Mener ingenting vondt, dette er bare litt sunn, konstruktiv kritikk.

ganske bra historie, bedre en min i vert fall lolz.
vi fikk en haug med kjedelige valg hvor vi kunne velge mellom å skrive en historie, tale, og noe mer husker ikke, men det verste var at temaet for oppgavene var valgt på forhånd.

Utrolig bra historie! Ja det var noen feil men synes ikke det gjorde noe på helhets inntrykket.

HitmannsBullet: Jeg kjønner tegningen, men dette er en fortelling fiksjon, den skal ikke leses som fakta eller noe, bare underholdning. Vet selvfølgelig alt dette, men må jo gjøre historien spennende. At de ikke har oddsene på sin side, men fortsatt klarer de det. Det skal være en slags Hollywood historie for å si det sånn

bra blogg er noen feil her og der, men, men

husker jeg hadde tentamen på ungdomsskolen, hatet det. Har fått vite at vi ikke skal ha på vg1

Satt å tenkte på skolen i dag å kunne sett for meg en annen slutt, litt som denne :

"STOP!" I yelled, and Dan stopped. He turned around slowly. In front of us was a jeep full of soldiers. German Soldiers. "To the last bullet yeah ?" he whispered in my ear. "Hoo-raa" I whispered back. Then we both ran against them with our Colts.. Suddenly all got black, and we realised that we didn't die for nothing, but for the fight for freedom...

Ikke så bra, men fant den på i musikk timen ^^

Blackwell: Oi. For en epic avsluttning.